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swearnet:

Happy Friday, fuckers!

swearnet:

Happy Friday, fuckers!

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Five for Friday

  1. I’m feeling lazy.
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"I gave you free will but if you don’t surrender it voluntarily I will fuck you over worse than you could ever imagine, literally for all eternity."

— The god of the Jesustards

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Aaaaaaaaaaand it’s not hard wood, it’s plywood…

Aaaaaaaaaaand it’s not hard wood, it’s plywood…

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Apparently, this happened as well.

Apparently, this happened as well.

Tags: scottfriday
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Remember when I was like, “I got drunk and ripped up the carpet.”

And you were like, “What an ass, he didn’t rip up the carpet.”

Remember when I was like, “I got drunk and ripped up the carpet.”

And you were like, “What an ass, he didn’t rip up the carpet.”

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I’m so functional when I’m blackout drunk that it’s scary. And I know that I’m blacked out, too, that’s the worst part. But since I’m blacked out, I don’t have the good sense to goto bed. And now all of the carpet in the house is cut up in little squares and piled in the alley.

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daveyhatesmith:

Jet Joints.

I know some of you are really important on Tumblr, but, personally, I’m pretty fucking impressed that I created a post that has over 500 notes.

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I just invented the word “Jesustard.”

You’re welcome.

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